Friday, December 23, 2011
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Women Over 40: Why Buy the Pig just to get a little Sausage!
AUTHOR UNKNOWN
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.
If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.
Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
Plumbing Doesn't Work Like It Use To
Oh wait...I have to pee..before I start this post...BRB
Awwee much better. Ok, where were we?
I know you are probably thinking that this post is going to be about having to pee all the time. Well, you would be half right. This post is about pee, and how it comes out of me at the most inconvenient times.
Im not talking about laughing so hard I pee my pants, or even not being able to hold long enough to get to a toilet. Those we all experience at all ages in life, or the people around me were just a bunch of pissy pants.
I'm talking about sneezing and peeing! I'm talking about coughing and peeing! I'm talking about dancing a peeing. Not only can I not hold my bladder for more than 30 seconds, it doesn't even have to be full for it to project it's waste. I've sneezed & coughed in every place possible, the bus, work, the mall, everywhere you aren't suppose to pee. Now when I cough or sneeze not only do I cover my mouth, I have to cross my legs or hold my crotch, to make sure I don't explode. Oh the joys of womanhood!
When I was younger I used to be able to do a little dance to help me hold it, now, forget dancing, especially if I'm drinking. One wrong jump or turn and .... squirt! Many nights where I have left my pissy panties in the bathroom at the bar. Yeah, those where mine! I'm THAT girl. Good thing, being 40ish, I do not go out dancing very much anymore. I enjoy it in the comfort of my own home, where I can pee my pants in privacy!
Awwee much better. Ok, where were we?
I know you are probably thinking that this post is going to be about having to pee all the time. Well, you would be half right. This post is about pee, and how it comes out of me at the most inconvenient times.
Im not talking about laughing so hard I pee my pants, or even not being able to hold long enough to get to a toilet. Those we all experience at all ages in life, or the people around me were just a bunch of pissy pants.
I'm talking about sneezing and peeing! I'm talking about coughing and peeing! I'm talking about dancing a peeing. Not only can I not hold my bladder for more than 30 seconds, it doesn't even have to be full for it to project it's waste. I've sneezed & coughed in every place possible, the bus, work, the mall, everywhere you aren't suppose to pee. Now when I cough or sneeze not only do I cover my mouth, I have to cross my legs or hold my crotch, to make sure I don't explode. Oh the joys of womanhood!
When I was younger I used to be able to do a little dance to help me hold it, now, forget dancing, especially if I'm drinking. One wrong jump or turn and .... squirt! Many nights where I have left my pissy panties in the bathroom at the bar. Yeah, those where mine! I'm THAT girl. Good thing, being 40ish, I do not go out dancing very much anymore. I enjoy it in the comfort of my own home, where I can pee my pants in privacy!
Im 18 with 22 Years of Experience
I decided to start this blog as I have been finding a lot of humour in my life experiences since I turned 40 a year ago. There are new changes to my body that I am noticing every time I take a GOOD look in the mirror. Im like "WTF!?!" when did that happen?I may be a 40 something now, but I still feel like I'm 18 years old, and sometimes I act like it. So what, you only live once, and I'm half way through my "once", if I'm lucky.
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